


Wait For Me In Heaven My Dear

by DragonSpear



Series: Heaven Help Me [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But not too sad, Character Death, Depressed Dean Winchester, Depression, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Heaven, Hugs, Hunter Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Character Death, It's not something to worry about, Jess Lives, Kinda, Lets kick this off with all the warnings then', M/M, Married Dean and Cas, Married Destiel, Mentions of Suicide, Mute Dean Winchester, Non-Hunter Sam Winchester, Non-graphic suicide, Reunion, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Season One Coda (?), Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, Suicidal Dean Winchester, Suicide, Winged Castiel, Wings, don't let the major character death tag scare you, everyone dies, season one AU, supernatural imagines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 08:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15578289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonSpear/pseuds/DragonSpear
Summary: (DESPITE THE WAY THIS STORY SEEMS, IT IS IN NO WAY INTENDED TO RATIONALIZE SUICIDE. SUICIDE IS A VERY HEAVY ISSUE AND I IN NO WAY SUPPORT IT. THE SUICIDE IN THIS STORY WILL BE TALKED ABOUT IN FUTURE FANFICS IN THIS VERSE. SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS SUICIDAL I URGE YOU TO SEEK HELP. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255)Don't imagine Jess never dying. Don't imagine Sam leaving Dean to live in domestic bliss with her. Don't imagine Dean falling in love only to watch them die. Don't imagine Dean waiting for Cas to come back.When Sam arrives in Heaven he finds his brother looking only a few years older than the last time they saw each other oh so long ago. When he asks what monster killed Dean he discovers it wasn't a monster at all, just his brother's own depression.





	Wait For Me In Heaven My Dear

**Author's Note:**

> When I was writing this I realized it made suicide out to be this wondrous solution to all your problems. That is not how I intended it to be. Even though Dean is in a situation where he truly has no family left he chose a path that he shouldn't have. Suicide should never be an option. If you are feeling suicidal please seek help instead of waiting for something to change or preparing to end your own life. If you do that nothing will ever change. If you don't want to speak to a therapist in person or don't have enough money or aren't allowed there are plenty of hotlines you can use. They will listen to any problem big or small, my cousin used one once when she failed a test and was freaking out about it. Someone talked to her and helped her plan a way to speak with her parents about it without causing any panic. Along with the numbers I've listed below you can also google, "Crisis Hotline/Suicide Prevention hotline and or Lifeline".
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
> 
> CRISIS #S (TEENS UNDER 18)  
> Girls and Boys Town 1-800-448-3000
> 
> Hearing Impaired 1-800-448-1833
> 
> Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663
> 
> Teen Hope Line 1-800-394-HOPE
> 
> CRISIS #S (ANY AGE)  
> United Way Crisis Helpline 1-800-233-HELP
> 
> Christian Oriented Hotline 1-877-949-HELP
> 
> Social Security Administration 1-800-772-1213
> 
> taken from http://www.pleaselive.org/hotlines/ which has a list of specified hotlines for any number of issues.

Don't imagine Jess never dying

Don't imagine Sam returning to Jess to spend the rest of his life.

Don't imagine Dean slowly watching his loved ones die.

Don't imagine Dean falling in love with an angel named Castiel.

Don't imagine Dean and Cas getting married two years later.

Don't imagine Cas getting his grace ripped out in front of Dean as he screams at some nameless angel to just "leave him alone! God just let him go do anything to me just leave him alone!" As he pulls on his restraints.

Don't imagine Dean watching said nameless angel plunge a blade through Castiel's human heart.

Don't imagine Dean's heart-wrenching screams as he watches the light die from the blue eyes of the love of his life.

Don't imagine the heavy silence that follows as the nameless angels who attacked them disappear with a rush of air and the beating of wings after they release Dean.

Don't imagine Dean cradling Cas' body in his arms, his tears dripping down onto the angel's grey face.

Don't imagine Dean laying Castiel out in the Impala's backseat not even minding the blood.

Don't imagine Dean burying Cas in a field of wheat surrounded by emerald trees, hoping that if he leaves his husband's body intact maybe he'll come back.

Don't imagine Dean building a small wooden house directly in front of Cas' grave.

Don't imagine him spending more time sleeping in the disturbed earth by Cas' wooden headstone than in his own bed.

Don't imagine six months of utter silence, Dean refusing to even speak to Cas' grave gone mute from pain.

Don't imagine Dean only eating when the hunger pains get to be too much because everything tastes like ash and it reminds him that Cas could never eat food because "it tastes like molecules, Dean."

Don't imagine Dean spending six months waiting for Cas to come back.

Don't imagine Dean ending his own life draped across Cas' grave with a crumpled picture of their wedding day clasped in his left hand.

*******

Sam ends up dying of old age, about a year before his beloved Jessica. He shows up to Heaven with grey hairs and an old face. His Heaven is simple, the quaint wooden house he spent 40 years of his life in alongside his beautiful wife.

When he steps out through the door he is in a small neighbourhood surrounded by a glittering forest glowing silver in the moonlight, twinkling golden fairy lights crisscross across the street from house to house creating a canopy of golden light illuminating the dark gravel road. He recognizes the houses of some long dead friends, he recognizes Bobby's salvage yard and Pastor Jim's homely church. Even Missouri Mosely is there along with a couple others he recognizes. And lots he doesn't, among them, is a place called "The Roadhouse" at the head of the street, a bright red brick house with a Star Wars vs. Star Trek flag poking out from the side of it.

Then there's a two-story brick and wood cottage, smoke flows gently from the brick chimney, the lights of the window illuminate a behemoth of a car in the driveway. A very familiar behemoth.

Sam races across the street, passing the glowing radiance of the Impala to get to the mahogany door. It opens just as he begins to ascend the porch steps and the younger Winchester is met with a familiar pair of green eyes attached to a familiar man.

Sam's breath lodged itself in his throat despite the fact that he doesn't need to breathe now. Dean looks so young. Only a few years older than when Sam saw him last oh so many years ago when they went looking for their Dad. His eyes look so much older, much too sad to be resting upon such a young freckled face.

"How long?" Sam can't bring himself to specify, 'how long after I left did you die?'. He's still having trouble wrapping his head around the whole, being dead thing.

Dean seems to understand him, "little over ten years." He tells him in a deep whiskey roughened voice.

Sam had no qualms about the life expectancy of hunters, but he had hoped his brother might avoid being killed by some half-baked monster asshole until he could finally get away from the life. He doesn't register the second pair of footsteps tapping around on the wooden floors inside the house.

"What got you?" Sam asks him in a timid whisper, it's painful, his brother is here but the reality is that his big brother died years ago and he never knew about it.

Dean's green eyes meet Sam's ever-changing hazel ones. They glisten with tears the younger Winchester doesn't want to see his big brother shed, "myself, Sammy."

Sam chokes, stunned into silence. He watches as an unknown man wraps his arms around Dean's torso, gazing at Sam with ancient sapphire eyes. He notices the matching silver rings that adorn both of their fingers. He notices the midnight black wings that glisten like an oil slick as they curl forward and rest against Dean's shoulders, just enough to be comforting but not enough to shield them from view. They seem to glow with the lost grace he was given by his father when his soul ascended to heaven.

"Guess it is possible to lose everything," Dean tells him with a watery strained laugh. Sam's heart aches for his brother.

They watch each other before Dean reaches forward and rests a calloused hand on Sam's aged and wrinkled cheek. He gives his brother a dazzling smile, tears falling silently down his freckled cheeks.

"Guess it's also possible to get everything back eventually."

Sam laughs wetly, pulling his brother into a hug once the blue-eyed man has stepped back.

"Hi, Dean."

"Hey, Sammy."

It's a hug long overdue Castiel thinks as he watches the man he loves cling to the last piece of family he was missing as everything slides back into place the way it should have long long ago.


End file.
